A Day With The Dursleys
by truemizzie
Summary: Harry Potter and friends visit the Dursleys, who don't seem to mind! Rated for Drunken!Dursleys. Please Read and Review!


A Day With The Dursleys!

Years had passed, and the final battle was finally complete. People were happy, families were united, not too many were killed. After all of the funerals were attended, life went back to normal. People ate together, went out together, and married one another.

Ron and Hermione were married to one another. Not to mention, Hermione had just given birth to a son…named Viktor. And no, Ron was not overly thrilled about this, but Hermione had such a soft spot for the name. Not to mention, Harry Potter wanted him to be a Quidditch player.

So, life was, in most ways, back to normal. Harry had also married Ginny, making the dream of having one big happy Weasley based family almost entirely completed. Percy had not yet married - which came as a surprise to none of them, least of all the twins.

In this normalcy, Molly Weasley decided to have lunch with some old friends of hers from school, who she hadn't seen in quite a while. Feeling it was important to be able to catch up with them, she didn't allow her housemates - Harry, Ron, Hermione (not to mention Viktor!) and Arthur - to stay. She did, however, have a wonderful alternative - Harry hadn't seen his Aunt, Uncle, or Cousin Dudley in quite some time. In her logic, she decided that they should meet up with each other as well! Keep in mind: this is Molly's logic, and not that of any of today's victims.

Still, out of the fear that Molly Weasley can instill in one's heart, they made a telephone call to the Dursleys, asking if they could come over for a visit. Even though Arthur Weasley was the one to (bravely) make the call, the Dursleys didn't seem to mind. In fact, they seemed quite happy to house the four magical folk, and even offered to make barbeque for them.

They set out to Number 4, Privet Drive.

The house still looked the same, though the car was dirtier, the garage door was only partially painted bright red, and the garden was full of weeds and other strange plants which Aunt Petunia would never, ever allow in her garden. Harry Potter pondered whether it was still the home of the Dursleys - when they knocked on the door, however, they knew that it was.

Dudley was everywhere, covering every wall in a mosaic of constantly more recent and much larger (due to the size of the boy in question) photos. In fact, it seemed almost as if a group of girls came and decorated the room as if Dudley was actually the lead singer in a pop group.

Harry shuddered at the thought.

The Dursleys still looked the same though. Vernon was chubby, dressed in a fine suit, while Petunia was wearing her best dress. Still, both of their hair was unkempt, and Vernon seemed to be wearing more make-up than his wife. Not to mention, their smiles were much too large to be those of the Dursleys. Harry questioned their identities - he decided not to worry about things just yet.

"Well, hello! Welcome to our home," Vernon Dursley proclaimed as he welcomed the group through the door. Harry smelled strange cologne on him, but smiled back nonetheless.

"Thank you," Arthur answered, being the only one to find his manners.

"I hope you are ready for a fine lunch," Petunia's voice had suddenly become that of bourgeois royalty - and sounded extremely fake. Still, everyone once again was polite.

The group was led into the bureau, where they were seated on a comfortable couch, the Dursleys in seats on the other side of them. Harry couldn't help noticing that one of the pillows under his arm had a button containing the face of his cousin.

Hermione and Ron asked if they could put Viktor to bed upstairs. The Dursleys told them they could, but not to run into Dudley. Apparently he was quite moody - probably due to the fact that he was on a new diet. The Dursleys had to lock all of the sweets in the garage, as Dudley continuously picked from the trash can!

"Dudley still lives here?" Harry asked, trying not to sound too direct.

"Well, of course!" Petunia answered, her strange accent suddenly missing. Hermione and Ron returned happily from their quest, Hermione's shirt buttons slightly loosened. She pinched them together warily.

"Yes…little Dudley just didn't seem to want to move out yet," Vernon filled in for his wife's mysterious and sudden silence, his voice suddenly becoming that of a four year old's mother. "So, we made him stay home with us."

There were many moments of silence.

"Vernon, darling?" Petunia looked over to her husband. "Why don't you get us all something to drink?"

"Gladly, Petunia. What will you all have? Harry! You tell us first!"

Harry was taken aback. The Dursleys…serving him? It was too strange and wonderful to believe. Still, he shouldn't overshoot things.

"Water's fine."

"I see…and you?" He looked pointedly at Arthur.

"I think we can all agree with Harry," Arthur answered, placing on his largest possible smile.

"Perfect. And you, sweet cake?" You can imagine who that was.

"I'll have a double scotch on the rocks, muffin."

"And I'll double that order!" Vernon proclaimed. As he left the room, he turned back around mischievously.

"Will the baby be having anything?"

"No!" Hermione shrieked, and Vernon left, laughing at his cleverness.

They were alone with Petunia Dursley.

"So, are you too married?" she leaned over to Ron, who backed away slightly to prevent their noses from touching.

"Yes, yes Hermione and I are married."

"And what is your child's name?"

"Viktor." Hermione answered this question after a moment of Ron's silence. You can imagine why.

"Are you married, Harry?"

Harry looked at Petunia, then back at the pillow underneath his arm. The Dudley button smiled up at him, and Harry could have sworn that its eyes were from a craft store, causing the pupils to roll around. He looked back up at Petunia.

"No - well, not yet. I'm engaged."

"Oh, and who is this doll of yours?"

Harry ignored the fact that Ginny had just been called a doll. "Ginny."

"She's my sister," Ron offered, sending Harry a quick glance. Finally, Vernon Dursley returned, placing drinks in front of everybody and taking an unnervingly large sip out of his own glass. Harry picked up his cup and tilted it to his mouth, coughing when he felt something entirely different from water begin down his throat.

"I spiked it a bit," Vernon told them. "Hope you don't mind."

"No, not at all." Variations of this statement were heard from the entire group as their cups were placed back onto the table.

"So, what do you do for a living?" Vernon turned his focus to Arthur Weasley, who wiped his brow before answering.

"I work in the…Ministry of Magic."

"Oh, that must be so tiring!" Petunia proclaimed.

"Oh. Oh yes, yes it is actually. Today I had to have a rather peculiar meeting with a woman who calls herself 'The Tooth Fairy.' Have you heard of her?"

"She's my idol." Petunia was not being sarcastic as she placed her right hand over her heart. Hermione suppressed a giggle. Harry pictured his Aunt Petunia in the scandalous uniform of the Tooth Fairy. He made a mental note to obliviate himself later.

"Oh, well she was quite the difficult one to speak with. Kept apparating me around to Canada - talking about dental problems."

"You must be exhausted!" Vernon yelled, rather loudly after taking a gulp from his glass.

"Yes. I…I am, indeed. Now, may I ask something?"

"Of course," Petunia leaned in once again.

"What is a barbeque?" Ron nudged his father.

"Oh, it helps us to cook meat!" Vernon told him.

"I see. Is that what we're having for dinner?" Arthur yawned.

"Yes. Courtesy of Vernon himself."

It was Vernon who answered.

"Oh. Good."

"When is dinner?" Ron asked, and Hermione squeezed his hand playfully.

"Oh, it'll be right about," Vernon told them. "First I thought that we should all have a nice chat. Harry - tell us more about you!"

"Well," Harry began, though not quite sure how to begin. "I was just telling Aunt Petunia about how I'm going to be married."

"Oh, he stills call us his Aunt and Uncle, how sweet, don't you think!" Vernon said to the group. Hermione began to fan herself uncomfortably as Vernon drank some more from his half-empty glass. Suddenly, she felt the need to say one final thing.

"You know what? I should really go check on the baby." She left before Ron could even think about following.

"Oh, I hope we didn't scare her away!" Petunia stated, leaving another gap of silence to fill the air. Harry looked around the room once again. Things were so different…it was as if the Dursleys had lost a lot of money, but looking at their new pool through a window he decided that he was wrong. Unfortunately, he didn't know how wrong he was, as he only saw a small fraction of the aforementioned swimming pool. Finally, Harry decided to continue the conversation.

"So…what are you two up to?" Harry kicked himself mentally for the awful attempt at a question.

"Oh, nothing really," Vernon answered, not continuing his sentence.

Harry was so uncomfortable. He silently begged Ron and Arthur to ask something, wishing that Wizards could all use telecommunication. Alas, that gift was far and few in between. Usually ran in families, also. Harry doubted the Weasleys could have had it, with their various communication…well…issues.

Harry felt his stomach grumbling. Molly hadn't allowed them to eat, telling them that the Dursleys had a lovely meal planned for them. Harry prayed that Vernon would go outside and begin cooking, but he didn't, so Harry decided to give a few minor hints.

"So, should we go out and start the barbeque, Uncle Vernon?"

"Oh, nonsense!" Vernon answered. "We still have to sit and chat. Now, where do I know you folks from?" He looked at Ron.

"Well…" Ron began, but Harry filled in an answer.

"You met them at the train station." Harry did not by any means want to ruin the Dursleys' good mood by reminding them about the incident before Harry's fourth year. Instead, though, Vernon remembered on his own.

"I seem to remember a few years ago a visit involving some strange candies. Oh, Dudley has always loved his sweets!"

Harry sighed in relief. What Vernon didn't care about couldn't hurt him. This 'him' being Harry.

"You know what?" Ron proclaimed, standing up. "I had better go and see how Hermione is doing!"

He left at a jogging pace. Harry made another mental note to give Ronald a nice big and giant kick in the-

Well. He was angry at Ron, anyway.

Vernon and Petunia were wearing oversized smiles as they finished their scotch glasses. To Harry's bewilderment, Vernon picked up both of a the glasses, saying he was going to refill them. Harry began to get jittery when Vernon came back with larger glasses than before.

There was only the sound of slurping as Harry's former surrogate parents downed two entire glasses of scotch. They asked him why he wasn't drinking his "water." He told them he wasn't thirsty.

Finally, after Harry thought his stomach could handle no more, Uncle Vernon stood up.

"Well," he said drunkenly, "I'll be outside!"

Harry gave an inside cheer. There was more silence. Harry simply watched the clock, timing their visit. It had been about three hours already, and there was no food to be seen.

"Tell me more about the Tooth Fairy. What is she like?" Petunia asked an unresponsive Arthur Weasley. Harry turned his head to look at him, and could have screamed.

Yes, Arthur Weasley had fallen asleep.

After a moment of nodding her head, listening politely to the silence, Petunia turned her attention to Harry.

"Do you know, yesterday his wife sent us a batch of what she called in her letter "Chocolate Frog Cakes."

Harry nodded.

"They were _AWFUL!_" She laughed and laughed. Harry had to get out of there somehow!

"You know what," he said to her. "I'm going to go out and check on Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia." She simply kept on laughing.

Harry ran outside through the window door Vernon had gone through. He ran past the pool, looking for the barbeque. There wasn't one. Harry saw a large, beige substance in the water out of the corner of his eye. He didn't want to know.

He realized that he had to get back into the house in a different direction to get the others, so he decided to use the half painted garage. It was locked…Harry remembered Dudley's diet and apparated inside. There, at the small freezer behind the car, Dudley lifted his plump face. It was covered in chocolate.

Forgetting his manners, Harry ran into the house, ran up the stairs, got Hermione, Ron, and Viktor (Hermione and Ron once again looking much more…active…than before), shook Arthur awake, and got them all out of the house. Petunia merely blinked.

"I'm starving, how about you guys?" Harry asked, getting into Arthur's car.

"Let's go to McDonald's!" Hermione yelled, and they left for the muggle fast food restaurant. It truly was a memorable day at the Dursleys'.


End file.
